How to Find Your Style

If you are freeing yourself from the tyranny of fashion marketing - you better know what you're looking for

After a very long time in fashion, I realise I’m not absolutely sure of my style. I figured this out last year on the Rule of Five, as I gradually began to detach from the ‘trend’ conversation. If I wasn’t going to hop on the latest trend - and we have had coquette, clean girl and Mobwife already this year and it’s only February - where to go?

I’m also changing. My body is changing, my life is changing. I’m not stepping out in miniskirts these days (for now) and I’m also beginning to realise slightly baggy clothes look better than tight ones. In some places.

Last year I found the 80/20 rule helpful: 80% of my wardrobe should comprise useful, basic classics, 20% personality pieces. This is helpful. I also have my list of wardrobe essential building blocks:

White shirt (Boyfriend cut, cotton)
Smart jacket (oversized blazer for me)
Comfy trouser (high waisted, fitted for me)
One playful knit; One plain, warm knit
Everyday dress

Warm, smart coat

Good pair of day shoes, good pair of boots

One set of exceptional underwear for those days (okay, two sets)

The full force of my unresolved style quest came home to me when I went charity shop shopping with the thrifter Emily London. Charity shops are mostly not well curated or merchandised, it’s a random bunch of stuff that requires you to hunt. I’ll share Emily’s excellent advice about how to do this in another post, but you’ve got to know what you’re looking for. You can’t browse, waiting to be inspired. You might walk home with an Irish tweed cape (which I nearly did, see bottom).

Then I came across Charlotte Dallison, a vintage style queen, and her book “How To Be Fabulous”. It’s packed full of excellent advice (pick up a copy here), and Charlotte has kindly allowed me to share her chapter on finding your style. It includes a very useful journalling exercise, which I urge you all to try.

Over to Charlotte.

Finding Your Authentic Style, by Charlotte Dallison

Vintage Style Queen Charlotte Dallison

Authenticity isn’t always easy. We are constantly assailed by alluring images of other people’s style. Every day we are bombarded by imagery that captures the clothes of celebrities, acquaintances and influencers alike. This pulls us away from our authentic, stylish selves – from who we really are and what we really want to wear.

So: let’s tune out the confusing din of mainstream fashion media. Being fabulous is all about defining and living your own authentic style. Let me show you how it’s done.

Your fashion mantra

Find your precise personal style formula that describes your individual aesthetic. Consider where you’re coming from; what your style motivations are; and what style truly reflects your taste.

Below are some journalling prompts to help you define your personal style. It makes a difference to actually write your responses down. We often get stuck in our ways with our clothes, and seeing your answers in writing will give you a clearer vision of your own authentic style.

The answers might not flow immediately, but take your time and press on – by the end of this exercise you will have found your fashion mantra.

Fashion mantra journalling prompts

What three words would others use to describe your style?
Ask three trusted people who know you well to describe your style in three words. Promise them they can say whatever they want, that you’re in an investigative mode and that you want to hear their honest opinions. Don’t ask them to explain themselves. You might be surprised or flattered; you might even be a bit confronted! If you like what’s been said, write the words down. If you find that a word is not aligned with how you view yourself, or how you’d like to be viewed, try writing down the opposite of that word or choose a word that better expresses how you wish you were seen. All of what is said, whether you relate to the words or not, is very useful information.

Who are your top three style icons? Think laterally. Who do you style stalk? Go beyond the obvious trending actors, models and celebrities. Think of the obscure TV and film characters you’ve always adored; those wildly stylish musicians you’ve always wanted to swap jackets with; even your slick grandfather or your fashion-forward childhood babysitter. (One of the most stylish people I ever spotted was a random woman descending a bus in the middle of Rome, wearing knee-high leather boots, an all-navy ensemble and a red felt hat!) Write all of these people down, then hone the list to your top three.

What three words describe each of your icons’ style?
Now you know who your icons are, think of some words to describe them. Are they glamorous or grungy, understated or daring? If you can’t think of suitable words, search for articles on your chosen style icon and identify the keywords fashion journalists use to describe them.

What are the top three items your style icons wear? Your mission here is to find the through line. Take notice of any common threads, especially those that apply to all three of your icons. Perhaps it’s tailoring, lots of blue, classic cut jeans, oversized jumpers, floaty dresses, sky-high heels, big coats, cropped jackets, bikini tops to dinner. Whatever you see time and time again, on all of your icons, will become part of your mantra’s building blocks.

What kind of shopper are you? Do you love perusing obscure websites or the charm of the in-person boutique experience? Do you love both? There are no rules, it’s just about identifying your preference. If you’re stuck, write about your ideal shopping day to get some further clues.

What do you spend money on when it comes to fashion? Are you mad about sunglasses and wild for shoes, but scrimp on actual clothes? Or are you all about investment dresses, preferring to thrift your handbags? Identify what you value as a style investment.

What is your era? If you’re new to the world of vintage this might not be something you’ve considered before. To find your ideal era, think about the shapes you’re most drawn to, as well as the cultural references. Do you love strong silhouettes that lean a little to the 1940s or 1980s, when women wore suits? Or are you more into soft, flowing florals, à la the 1930s or 1970s? Does menswear tickle your fancy more than the womenswear? Write it all down.

Now comb through what you have written and underline the patterns you see. It might be that one of your style icons is Sophia Loren; that your favourite thing to splurge on is a wiggle dress bought from a boutique; and a recurring style keyword is ‘glamour’. Noticing the words that keep emerging should help you to narrow in on your definitive style.

Interrupting Charlotte here to show you how far I’ve got, Tiff (thank you to the bf who identified “boardroom hippie intersection” and my husband who identified “the heath + pond thing you have going on”)

Next take a few minutes to write out a sentence or two combining all these words to describe your style in a way that feels true to you. Comb through what you’ve underlined once more and pull out the key phrases or repeated statements to find the essence of them. You might need to consult a thesaurus, make a mind map or sleep on it to give yourself more time to ponder the precise words you’re after.

The final step is to whittle those sentences down to three keywords. Once you’ve found those words, you have your fashion mantra. Well done!

Your fashion mantra will fast become your personal style north star. Next time you’re surrounded by beautiful bargains and feeling confused about what to buy – or whether to buy at all – refer to your own very personal fashion mantra to guide you. Whenever you’re in doubt, ignore the internet, the shop assistant and any other voices babbling in your head about what you should wear and revert back to this true and trusted set of words. By sticking to your fashion mantra, you will find yourself focusing in on the clothes you actually want to wear, and honing a wardrobe that truly represents your authentic style.

Thanks Charlotte! Hopefully this will help you make decision about how to invest in your wardrobe and how to get dressed every day. It’s also worth noting (as Charlotte does too), that style evolves. Which is great, because it means we may get stuck in a rut - but we can also get out. FYI, I did this exercise and came up with: Glamorous Tailored Hippie. Maybe I do need that cape after all…

Glamorous, tailored hippie?

What’s yours?

Tiff